But I can't. I consume a reasonable (no more than 3 hours daily on average, usually 2 or less, there are things to do) amount of news, one must stay informed. Courtesy of logical extrapolation and some quite on point gut hunches, we are fairly well prepared for things as they are. I understand what is going on, as well as the extent of it. I can see the big picture, along with the most likely outcomes.
And then my focus shatters.
More than once in the last week and a half, walking out to tend the plants on my front porch, my stomach has clenched, and I have fought the urge to run back into the house. With no one to be seen. In my very non-threatening suburban neighborhood where lone women feel safe to walk their dogs and kids ride their bikes without adults hovering. (Which I wholly appreciate after 20+ years of...less than ideal neighborhoods.)
The lockdown/shelter in place orders have not changed my personal day to day that much. The whole thing is a slightly more limiting variation of my life for the last couple of decades. I rather like having everyone at home. Aside from Husband having to finish his Spring semester in our living room (just a few more weeks), everyone is willing and almost, dare I say, eager to help with house things. There has already been one week where I did not have to cook at all.
I have interacted with more people in the last month or so than I would normally interact with in six months. I still don't have much to talk about, but now neither does anyone else really. Though I don't have as many complaints either. So it should balance out, right?
I am jumpy too. I almost threw a mason jar of water up my own nose when someone opened a bathroom door the other day.
I have tried everything I have (legal) access to, to try to fix it. To calm myself somehow. I know things will work out eventually.
But right now, even knitting and gardening ain't working.
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